As family and work responsibilities become more complicated and stressful, most people find themselves juggling multi­ple tasks and roles. Unfortunately, the same skills that help us succeed at this juggling act can also cause damage to our personal relationships.

Habitually focusing on several things at once may make you a more efficient manager. But doing so will make it difficult for you to really listen to your spouse. Not only can this "supercoping" hurt our loved ones' feelings, it also weakens the best resource we have for bouncing back from stress--our caring connections with others. Busy couples, however, can strengthen their relationships while coping with life's other demands...

Recognize the power of small changes. When you're overwhelmed, it's easy to get into the "wait until..." mentality. You put off dealing with crucial issues--and delay enjoying your life--until you've reached a goal or eliminated a particular stressor. Common statements are along the lines of "I'll spend quiet time with my spouse as soon as... this big project is over... or I'm less occupied... or I've caught up on my sleep. People with stress-resilient marriages nourish the relationships while they are waiting for those other things to happen.

Mini-moments of positive connection. Think of at least a dozen ways to say or show you care--each taking just a few minutes or less. Giving hugs, a greeting card, warmly welcoming your spouse home, making coffee for him/her in the morning, leaving loving phone messages, or sending an email during the day are all examples of little things you can do every day to stay connected with the people you care about. Commit to spending 10 minutes a day on these loving actions, taken 20 seconds at a time throughout the day. These simple gestures will create an ongoing atmosphere of nurturing that is much more powerful than any "big" gesture you have to wait indefinitely to make.

Notice how your behavior affects people around you. Be alert to ways you use high-intensity coping skills when they aren't really needed--and could even be hurtful. Accuracy is important when you're fulfilling a large order from an important customer or if you're a surgeon operating on a patient. But correcting your partner's grammar or drawing attention to other mistakes is most likely going to make him feel hurt, inadequate and resentful, without much, if any, positive payoff.

Another common offender is a chronic sense of urgency. Moving fast may make us more productive, but it also makes us less sensitive to others. People are kinder and more generous when they're relaxed and taking their time. It's tempting to justify impatience by telling ourselves, “This is just how I act when I'm in a hurry. The real me, though, is more loving, and my family knows that." But the person your family sees every day is the real you.

Tips:

When you arrive home from work, pause for a few seconds before going inside. Remind yourself, "No superhumans live here." Enter their presence mindful of your effect on them.

• De-stress your environment. Take some time each day to shut out the outside world; don't wait for your annual vacation to escape.
  
  
• For at least an hour a day, turn off all phones, pagers, TVs and stereos. A good time to do this is during or after dinner. Make it part of your daily routine to spend time in a peaceful part of your home--in your garden, your study or a favorite armchair.
  
  
• Take a night off every week. Many high-achieving couples have forgotten how to enjoy each other in re­laxed, unstructured ways. A night off can be as simple as ordering in pizza --and agreeing not to think about cooking, laundry, bills, the office or any difficult subjects all evening. The more you "practice" giving yourself permission to relax, the more natural it will feel.
  
  
•   Carve out couple time every month. Each time you turn the monthly calendar, pick a 12 to 48-hour period that will be just for the two of you. Some couples enjoy checking into a hotel for the weekend. But your "couple time" doesn't have to be that elaborate. Leaving the kids with neighbors, having a quiet breakfast in the backyard, then spending the afternoon window-shopping is just as effective as a weekend out of town for rebuilding connections.
  
  
• Your commitment to this time to­gether should be as serious as your commitment to an important meeting at work. Get lots of sleep the night before, dress nicely and give your part­ner your full energy and attention. Taking turns with your spouse planning your monthly date will help build intimacy.

Redefine balance. Most super-achievers define balance as superior performance in all areas of life. But this is an unrealistic goal. If you try to excel in every area of your life -- work, marriage, parenting, church, hobbies, self-awareness, community -- because you'll wind up shortchanging every area. It is more effective to focus on two or three areas that matter most. Instead of striving for perfection, learn to accept "good enough." This doesn't mean abandoning your dreams. For most people, a lifetime offers enough time to have all the things they want most — but not all at once

Once a week or so, take a few minutes to reflect on how you’re spending your time.  If any areas are being seriously neglected, make a point of attending to them briefly.  Give up the myth of a perfect balance..and aim for reasonable balance across a long period of time.

When you do less, you can pay more attention to the opportunities you choose.  You and the people around you will be more satisfied.