Questions and Answers

Q: "After my wife got home from the hospital, I was worried about her being stressed. So I shut off the telephone and let the machine take all the calls. That way, I could listen to the messages at night and return the calls then. Now, my wife says she wants the phone back on, but I don't think it's a good idea--the telemarketing calls alone will drive us crazy. But she just doesn't get it."

A: I am frequently touched by the loving concern that family members show to heart patients. But remember that the best-adjusted heart patients are those who get on with living; they don’t remain sheltered from life. Yes, the telephone can be a source of aggravation. But for a recovering patient, phone calls from supportive loved ones and friends can give needed boosts of motivation to recover fully. I recommend that you openly discuss this issue with your wife, and respect her needs. Don’t make the mistake of protecting her so much that you actually hurt her confidence in her own ability to cope – with illness and with telemarketers.

Q: "The man I live with had triple bypass surgery last year. He's doing great, but he's so rigid about his recovery program, he's driving me crazy. He has to go for his walk every day--even if the weather's bad--and he's disappointed if I don't want to go with him. And he won't even try a bite of food if he thinks it isn't healthy enough. He's making such a big deal about this.”

A: There is sometimes a fine line between motivation to recover from heart illness and perfectionism that drives loved ones crazy! But I encourage you to be supportive of your partner. During the first two years or so of recovery, many heart patients act rather driven in their quest to ward off further complications. Loving support, and, when possible, enthusiastic participation by family and friends in the new lifestyle can be a great help in soothing the anxieties that are probably driving your friend’s behavior. Also, remember that the only “minor” illness is one someone else suffers! To your partner, his heart illness was a major event. I would bet that he needs for you to accept and understand that his illness has changed his life, and he wants you to be a part of the new lifestyle that he is discovering.

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